"Saturday night"

This is the best time to try to write a blog....midnight, insomnia, wasted day, another 'wasted day' in the making..... It is a bit of a struggle for me anyways, but let's try one more time.

How easy it is for people to jot down anything in their blogs, without thinking of making it readable, without thinking about who the reader might be, without any concern for what it might convey......"a blog is for yourself", "I couldn't care less if others read it or not", "I just have to write regularly", I have yet to feel what I have the heard the others say.

I just sat down to read all the blogs all the people had posted after a long time (partly because of the recently troublesome net connection at home). And I feel very unhappy, very low, kind of disturbed. I don't know why people disturb me sometimes, is it them or is it there thoughts, is it their presence or lack there of. But whatever it might be, sometimes just thinking about what others feel becomes disturbing. Tch tch tch...why should I care? But I do.

Anyways, it has not been a bad day. I have had company, I have had things to do, and I have had a good sleep. But I have had no exercise. I miss that. I have become this freak, that till I don't exert myself beyond exhaustion each day, I don't get the high (so to speak)! After a nice long run, or a day long strenuous hike, or a good exhausting game of anything, the exuberance is immaculate. I cannot define the bliss I get after any kind of physical exertion.

(The only thing I have been able to explain myself about this is that I have a lot of useless energy, which unless I vent out somehow, goes into my head as heat and disturbs the whole system. And so I force myself into continuing this to the effect that I remain content.)

I really wish I could have a physically active lifestyle forever. Could I find a profession which would seek manual labor? Sitting in front of the computer bothers me, irritates me, and I really wish I can find a out of this. Looking at the screen (how the hell can anti-glare, flat screen, 21" et al help!!!!) for 10 hours continuously gives me the biggest pain. Could there not be something other than that for me? Yet................sitting in the silicon valley, in era of micro-processors, even a civil engineer's only concern for the whole of Saturday was......."could I get my internet connection fixed?".

Sigh!!!!! This is "not" life.